Vance's Undelivered Love Letter

I have always pondered over what things Vance would have wanted to tell Portia during the two years he was secretly falling in love with her but unable to have contact with her. I often imagine him sitting down at his desk to write things to her as a way to talk to her, since he didn’t really have anyone else he felt he could confide in about it at the time. Writing would have been a way for him to be completely open and honest about his feelings without fear of repercussions. I don’t see him doing it everyday, but maybe once in a while when something struck him as being particularly poignant, and he felt he needed some sort of outlet. So, here is one of those letters for your enjoyment.



Dear Portia,


I passed you in the hallway today at school, something you don’t know I occasionally go out of my way to do just so I can hear the thoughts running through your head. I often feel like I live for those few moments. Even though I could, I try not to listen to your thoughts the rest of the time, though it’s hard not to. A lot of the time your energy just washes over and envelopes me. It’s an incredible feeling. I don’t want to invade the privacy of your mind, but when you see me, you think of me, and that’s a treat I can’t seem to make myself walk away from. I hope you’ll forgive me for that someday.


Today when I saw you I noticed it’s becoming increasingly harder to pretend I don’t recognize you. I want to stare at you. I want to drink you in from the top of your pretty black-haired head, to the tips of your cutely painted toenails. You’re so beautiful, so young and full of life, so untainted by the evils of the world. When you smile the whole room lights up like the sun just moved out from behind the clouds. It almost makes me believe there still are good things to live for. Looking at you makes me wish for days filled with happiness and a life that could be normal. I don’t know if that will ever be a possibility for me, but for just one minute I’d love to live in your carefree world.


I almost laughed out loud at the things I heard in your head today when I passed by you. You thought I looked “hot today, as usual,” and you wondered what I’d do if you gave into your baser instincts one day and just pushed me up against a locker and kissed me. Please, baby, give into that baser instinct! You might be surprised at what you get back! I’m not as indifferent to you as I’ve led you to believe.


Your thoughts monopolized mine for the rest of the day. All I could think of was how I would react if you ever actually did do something like that to me. Portia, you’ve had me tied up in knots for hours now and you don’t even know it.


My first thought was that I would grab you, turn you around and slam you back up against the lockers myself while I devoured your plump little lips. But then I figured we might draw a pretty big crowd with our hallway display, so I decided maybe I’d just scoop you up and kidnap you for the rest of the day, perhaps take you to my favorite little spot in the canyon. It’s beautiful there and then I could just lay you on the ground and kiss you for hours, taking my time about it, like I really want to do.


Now, as I sit here tonight, I’m wondering how you would react to my reaction. I wish I could ask you. Would you be surprised? Would you trust me enough to let me whisk you away without any warning? Or would it scare you to find I want you so badly it nearly consumes me at times?


That’s right Portia, baby. I want you more than you could possibly know. Everyday I’m tempted to give in, to show you exactly how I feel, but I gave my word that I wouldn’t. If I’d have known at the time who you were and how I’d connect with you, I’d have never spoken such a vow. But I did, so I’ll honor that promise because doing so will keep you safer from the evils that taint my life for that much longer. For now, I’ll just be content to bask in your innocence and to watch you from afar. But only for now Portia….